Sunday, July 15, 2012

Mental something or other

So the past few days have been really rough. I honestly don't even know what's wrong which is making it worse cause it's frustrating me that i don't even know why i'm feeling down. I one idea but i don't feel like this one aspect could get me feeling so low. but this is my idea i've started working full time at my job and i'm opening the store and during those hours i'm completely alone for 6-7 hours depending on the day. I really don't like being alone almost ever like i just enjoy being around people so being alone for that long everyday of the week is super hard but i don't feel like this is enough to have me so bleh. and everything else in life is going so well so i don't understand why i feel down, it just doesn't really make a lot of sense. But it's really effecting me like eating is a chore. Today all i've been able to eat was a sandwich from jimmy johns and by eat i mean i forced myself to finish it because i know i needed the calories. It took me 40 minutes to finish it and i hadn't had anything else before that. Tomorrow i plan on fasting and just being really focused in all my religious meetings because i know that if i'm open to the spirit i'll receive help. As well i'll just have to keep reading my scriptures and praying. Maybe i just need a day out in nature taking pictures and wandering just to help clear my mind. Thats another big thing is that i can't stay focused my mind is mess and just everything is zipping around and jumbled. Like look at your plate of spaghetti noodles and that's how my thoughts feel, probably why i can't pin point what is getting to me. Just writing this post is hard cause i can't seem to think much past the word i'm typing at the moment. anyway sorry to whine just trying to get my thoughts clear in my head

this is the best way to describe it just kinda bleh inside

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